Why I'm not memorizing the Bible

Yes, you read that correctly. I’m not being sarcastic–it is possible for Bible memory to be a stumbling block for Christians.

Bible Bee opened my eyes and taught me something about myself: I was capable of memorizing huge portions of Scripture. Before 2009, I struggled getting through my one verse a week for school. After the 2009 National Bible Bee, I began memorizing verses, chapters, books "for fun" during my personal devotions. I learned so much and developed a love for Scripture unlike anything I had ever known. Yet at the same time, I began falling into the dangerous trap of turning Bible study into an academic exercise.

Eager to learn more, I continued to keep a vigorous memory schedule during the months I was not participating in Bible Bee. Last year, as a 10^th grader, I made it my goal to have the entire New Testament memorized by the time I finished college. I figured out approximately how many verses I needed to learn per month and fulfilled my quota. If I continued my plan, I would have all but two epistles memorized by the end of the school year. I could definitely do this.

The past few weeks have been extremely busy for me. School and extracurricular activities all managed to coincide their deadlines. In between a few hours’ sleep and a cup of coffee, I continued my memory work, loving the Word but struggling to keep up.

My mom had warned me before not to speed-memorize the Bible. We’re supposed to meditate on it. Feed on it. Not just slurp it down. I justified my method, feeling that the constant read, memorize, review that I did every single day was anything but speedy.

Then, I realized I had fallen into the trap. Bible memory was becoming something I do. It’s not supposed to be that way. It’s supposed to be God working in us, not cramming facts into our minds as a mental exercise. God still worked in me as I crammed the facts, but I was so busy "just getting through" that I didn’t leave time to listen to Him.

Here are a few "traps" that I fell into:

• I love challenges.  I enjoy training my mind to do something new and love the thrill of accomplishing it.
• I’m being a good Christian.
• We’re supposed to meditate on His Word day and night, so the more words knew the better. Forget the quality as long as there’s quantity.
• I want to do well at Bible Bee. Memorizing more would give me a better foundation when competition season starts.
• I do everything fast (well, not when I’m driving. Apparently I’m too slow then...). Talking, reading, playing piano–everything’s best at top speed. Naturally, Bible memory also became a game to see how quickly I could memorize.
• And, of course, there’s that little giant called pride. It makes me feel good to know how devoted I am to the Bible (obviously there’s a problem with that. It’s called self-justification. It doesn’t work. Memorizing words won’t save you, but meeting the Word will).

I’m going to continue studying and memorizing Scripture, but I think I will change my goal. Rather than aim for memorizing huge hunks of the Bible, I’m going to slow down and focus on each individual verse. I’ll keep reviewing old verses; hopefully, I will fully learn them! Oh the depth of the riches–who can fully know the glorious mysteries of Christ? When Bible Bee starts, I’ll do more new memory work again, but for now, I think I will slow down and learn to quiet my heart and meditate on the wonder of God. Eventually, I would like to have the whole New Testament–or, Lord willing, the entire Bible–memorized, but for now, I will slow down and take it verse by verse, step by step; always pressing toward the goal, but not being consumed with the prize; running steadily with endurance rather than running quickly and stumbling.

Friends

Last week I was biting my tongue, trying to obey 1 Peter and not say all the many responses that were running through my head.

Three other highschoolers and I were beginning a team project that will not be done until June. It felt more like they were a team and I was an outsider. They all go to the local public art school, and I’m "just" a homeschooler. They are all good friends and get along really well, but I’m the "different" one. I don’t mind being different or on the outside, but it’s hard feeling like I’m not wanted. Two of them are quiet and generally speak only when spoken to, but the other one talks to them but ignores me, talking to me only to critique me or blame me for making a mistake when it wasn’t my fault. It hurts to be ignored, critiqued, and treated as the outsider, especially when you are all on the same team! And so, I found myself just about bursting with all the things I really wanted to say. I didn’t do anything to deserve the comments, but I was not about to spoil my witness by venting my feelings in front of everyone. All those verses from 1 Peter 2 were coming in handy!

The other thing I was thinking about was how excited I am that Bible Bee is next week!

When I’m with other people who look down on me because I’m different, it makes me appreciate the times I’m with people who (like me) want to be different. As I hear not-so-nice remarks, I can look forward to the days when we’ll all be quoting the Word of God to with other. At my church, there are some really amazing people. After talking to them, I can’t wait to go home and read more "hard" books, study apologetics, or look up a new Bible lecture. Just five minutes of talking gets me excited to spend five hours learning! And in just a few days, we’ll have almost a whole week of learning, fellowshipping, and praising God together at Bible Bee! When the apostles wrote epistles, they referred to the recipients as the "beloved brethren" (agapetos adelphos). Doesn’t that describe the family of Christ well? The beloved brethren–not the popular, cool, awesome friends (not that y’all aren’t awesome friends–it’s just that being "beloved brethren" involves so much more than that!). They are the family members who love you, encourage you, advise and help you and when the world thinks you’re weird...the ones whose agape love makes them call you agapetos. Isn’t that a comforting thought? Even when we feel like we’re alone, we still have Christian brothers and sisters all around the world experiencing the same things!

I am looking forward to meeting you all next week! It will be a joy-filled family reunion!

Help!

This is a continuation of last week's post

When someone asks you what your favorite subject in school is or what your hobby is, what do you usually say? For me, I generally answer that I really like math and that I’m a pianist. I enjoy both a lot and sometimes take just a little bit of pride in them. And anytime the word "pride" describes my attitude, you can be sure that trouble will soon come after. As Proverbs 16:18 says, "Pride comes before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall." Think about it for a second–when you fall off a chair, it hurts a little, but it’s not that bad. If you fell off a mountain, that would be a different story. A fall from pride is the same. When you have a little pride and God taps you off your pedestal, it hurts a little. When your pride "reaches to the heavens," it’s killing. You end up needing to shut the door of your room and pray that God will perform some serious heart surgery on you! 

Inevitably, that fall will come. It either looks like the "C" on my calculus test or that awful memory blank at the concerto competition (you know–the one where you start a scale on page 5 and when you come down you realize that you somehow ended on page 25 and have no idea how you got there). I get so angry at myself when I fail! When I mess up really badly in one of my "strong" points, I want to give up in everything. After all, if I’m bad at what I’m good at, what does that mean about what I know I struggle with? It’s the whole identity theft problem all over again: I’m trying to live in an identity that doesn’t belong to me. But, as frustrating and embarrassing as those failures can be, they are a great time for me to take a step back and examine my heart. When you trust in your own abilities, you’re going to fail. People aren’t perfect. We can’t live our entire lives with a perfect record of anything. But, when you admit your imperfections to God and trust Him to make His strength perfect in you, then God can use you to do His work. It’s only when we recognize that our strengths are our weaknesses that He is able to take our weakness and make it His strength. If we could do something–anything–perfectly, we would become proud. When we mess up, it reminds us how imperfect we are...how much we need One who is perfect.

I don’t know about the rest of you, but for me, October and November tend to be the hardest months for me...with all the time spent studying Bible Bee, I feel like I’m spread a little thin over the rest of my work! It’s so easy to want to give up since I get discouraged and think I can’t do it all. Guess what–I’m right! I can’t do it all! But, by God’s grace, I can. Maybe we can’t do everything we want to do, but God will give us the strength to everything He has planned for us to do. Soli Deo Gloria!

2 Corinthians 12:9–And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

James 4:10–Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

1 Peter 5:10–But may the God of all grace, who called us to His eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after you have suffered a while, perfect, establish, strengthen, and settle you.